I’ve started and deleted this post more times than I can count today. In case the title didn’t convince you, this post contains no bourbon content. I didn’t think that it would be fair to anything I might review to have this as the lead in. This is my reaction to recent and current events in my city. To shield those who would be offended, I’ve done the best I can to keep “politics” out of it. But, to be fair, as this is the prattling of yet another liberal, white dude, you’d be forgiven for not reading it at all. I’m sure it comes off as just “more words” or an empty gesture as I offer no solutions. But as a writer, writing is how I come to understand my feelings and myself better. This post is for me to work out a few things in my own heart and mind. And this seemed like as good of a place as any to do that.
Many of you know that I live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul Metro area. For the last week, the centers of my city were burning. First figuratively. Then, sadly, literally. I've spent the last four days worried about friends and family who live closer to those centers than I do. I've spent the last week wondering how we as a city, a state, and a nation could still be at this point. The point where a man's cold-blooded murder by four men could be captured on video, and the punishment be the loss of four jobs and one arrest.
Of course, I knew the answer all along. And it made me angry. Angry at the injustice of my fellow humans being treated as less than human. And angry and guilty at the knowledge that as a cis, white man, I would never be subjected to the hate and the fear that a black man is, by those who don't know me. Angry that friends had to watch white men in red hats, who were not from their area, "patrol" the streets outside their houses. Angry that those friends had to lie to their children and try to hide their anxieties as they locked their doors and pretended to have a sleepover upstairs. Scared and angry for my cousin, who happens to be a person of color and lives in Minneapolis. Angry that the professionals who were supposed to be protecting them seemed to take every possible opportunity to escalate the situation.
I spent the weekend watching my city burn. And I couldn't find it in my heart to condemn those that lit it on fire. I was empathetic. Both to the owners of the burned businesses and the anger of those that did the burning. Even though I understand that there are always opportunists in any tragedy (a few bad apples, one might say), I also know that rage isn't rational. Rage is a flood of anger that can no longer be held back by the dam of rational thought.
I've experienced rage. I was a teenager who was uncomfortable with his own sexuality. I was belittled and bullied by those around me who suspected more than I was even willing to admit to myself. I had to live and sleep with my bedroom door open because my mother and stepfather thought I might be doing...something, I still don't know what, even though my younger brother didn't have that restriction. I was physically threatened by my father for not being manly enough, even though my younger brother was showered with affection. As a young man, I sadly let my rage explode more often than I should have. And I pointed that rage at my brother, even though none of it was his fault. Now, as I am older and hopefully wiser, I can't find it in my heart to criticize others' expressions of rage. Especially when that rage has been so dearly earned.
I've been told that this site is a distraction from the hate and divisiveness in the news. I'm sorry that today I'm not writing about bourbon. The fact of the matter is that I refuse to be distracted, or be a distraction for others, from the events happening in our country today. I believe we are experiencing the defining events of our generation. I am hopeful, perhaps naively, that change is finally coming. That soon, all humans will be treated equally in this country, regardless of their religion, skin color, or their place of origin. That my friends won't have to teach their children how to survive a traffic stop. And that my family won't be told to "go back to the reservation."
My love to each and every one of you. Bourbon content will return on Thursday, as I think we could all use a drink. Stay safe.